Tracey's Post (after her FET)

Read here for the latest update on Abel and Belle's genetic siblings! :)

Special Week and Prayer Requests

First off, let me apologize for not updating recently on this blog about our family. Life has just been so busy in the Wilson home that my blogging has fallen by the wayside as I am trying to care for my children and home day in and day out (which will always come before blogging). But, I will update soon and post some pictures of the twins, whom btw are 19 months old now and had their 18 month old well check-up with their pediatrician and are doing well!

But this post is about another very special blogging family, Jeff and Tracey, along with Abel and Belle's genetic siblings. Some (or perhaps all depending on how many survive thawing) will be thawed at the NEDC on Wednesday for Tracey's FET that same day. Please be praying for these precious embryos to survive the thaw, transfer and successfully implant in Tracey's womb and make it to a healthy live birth. They were conceived in a lab and frozen in 2006 and have been waiting for a womb and a chance at birth since then- They will finally get that chance on Wednesday! Our GOD is GREAT and I can't wait to see how He continues to write their story!

Meet Fellow EA Mommy, Beverly!

My friend, Beverly, began following our blog a few years back as we chronicled our story thru embryo adoption. While she does not have a blog herself, she and I have been emailing back and forth for the past few years talking about both of our journeys thru embryo adoption. She and her husband are currently expecting their adopted baby boy who is due in two months. They were featured in their adoption agency's most recent newsletter where they share their story. She told me to feel free to post the link since she didn't blog in hopes that their story may be an encouragement to others. Please take a moment to read how God has blessed this couple!

http://www.nightlight.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/annual-report.pdf

A God-Story in Progress!

Remember this post from January 2011, where I shared our reasons for deciding to relinquish Abel and Belle's 8 genetic siblings back into the NEDC's anonymous adoption pool? Because we had a closed adoption, the NEDC told me that they wouldn't be able to tell me what would become of their siblings. While we knew this was the right decision, we were still saddened that Abel and Belle would not know any of their genetic siblings that may be born from the remaining 8 embryos. We chose not to reserve them for future transfers because our adoption funds were depleted. During our adoption process, I worked both a full-time and a part-time job to help pay for our adoption expenses, but knowing that our plan was for me to be a stay at home mom once the twins were born, we knew we wouldn't be able to afford another transfer for a long while. We didn't want their genetic siblings to be frozen any longer than necessary.
Over the past few months, my heart began to ache at the thought that Abel and Belle wouldn't know what became of their embie siblings. I asked Aaron if I could contact the NEDC to find out if their profile was still available, and if so, could we adopt them? He said no, because financially, we just couldn't afford another transfer or another child to raise on his current salary. So, I began to pray that God would at least somehow let us know of what would become of the remaining embryos. God answers prayer. Read Tracey's blog soon to find out what a beautiful story God has written!

Can You Believe This?!

Look at Abel & Belle as embryos that had been thawed and transferred to my womb after being frozen for 4.5 years!
Look at Abel one year later!
Look at Belle one year later!

Once again, I have to boast in our Lord - He sustained them in the freezer for 4.5 years, in my womb for 7 months, and in the NICU for 5 & 6 weeks... and He continues to sustain their little lives in our care. What grace!

One Year Ago...

...we posted this.

One year later, we are blessed to be able to post these:



Hasn't God been good?!

Preeclampsia

Yesterday we had a scheduled appointment with our OB where Jennifer turned out some very high blood pressure results. A combination of that, a lot of swelling and the presence of protein in her urine was enough for the midwife who was seeing her to admit her to the hospital. After being their for 24 hours, it was determined that she has severe preeclampsia. We were told that 300mg of protein is an indicator of preeclampsia. Jenn had over 6000mg.

She is being monitored closely and we have been told that the babies will probably be delivered very soon - we are thinking by the end of this week. She was given a steroid injection today to bolster the babies' lung development in preparation for premature birth. We were told that the babies can be induced after 48 hours of that injection. She's also being hooked up to an IV and made to lay on her side permanently.

Abel and Belle continue to look great. They we be at 31 weeks tomorrow and will most likely be in the NICU for around a month. They did give us a quick tour of the NICU tonight and it is very nice. This particular hospital has separate rooms for each baby, or a double room for two babies in our case along with a recliner or pull out bed. This makes it very quiet and private. The doctors also said that because of the position of the babies, Jenn may be able to deliver vaginally and avoid a Cesarean section.

I'll try to sneak another update in as things progress and as I have time.

-Aaron

Almost 29 Weeks!

I had my bi-weekly OB appointment today with an ultrasound. Abel and Belle are looking great and are both head down. The ultrasound did show cysts on my ovaries which the OB didn't think was a major problem and that they should dissolve on their own, but he is referring me to a high risk OB just to have her take a look at them and be sure they aren't more of a concern. He did say they wouldn't harm the babies, but may rupture with delivery. My blood pressure continues to be high, so I 'm now taking my blood pressure medicine 4 times a day!

Physically, I'm having a rough time. My 1st trimester was a breeze for the most part and I rarely felt pregnant. Then, halfway through the 2nd trimester, I started feeling the weight and strain of carrying two babies. And now, being in the 3rd trimester, I really feel awful. I'm extremely fatigued (which my iron levels came back perfect, so I'm not anemic) and hurt all the time. My feet, hands, arms, back, and stomach all hurt. It hurts to walk, sit down, sit up, lie down, get up...it all hurts. I can't even go grocery shopping by myself anymore. I threw up yesterday for the first time during this entire pregnancy and heartburn continues to be a problem. I can't finish getting their clothes washed and their nursery ready and I'm running out of time. I know that some twin pregnancies are a breeze, but mine has been very difficult for the past two months and I wonder how much more my body can take. But, I trust that God will give me grace to endure for however long He has chosen to keep these babies growing inside of me...and I am SO grateful for them no matter what!

25 Weeks!

Finally! - I have a belly picture for you! Here is my 25 week baby bump - I look huge to be only 25 weeks. I had my regular OB appointment on Thursday and my belly measured 30 weeks, which as always, the midwife assured me was normal with twins. Last weekend, I went shopping with my mom and had to buy new maternity clothes because I have already outgrown the original ones that were purchased in January/February - Crazy! My OB appointment went well. My blood pressure is still high, so the midwife said they may up my medicine dosage in the near future, but for now they are leaving me at the same dose I've been on. Other than that, all was great. We had an ultrasound and Abel and Belle again received an A+ from the midwife on their measurements and weight. I also had the ultrasound tech confirm their genders once more before I started washing their clothes...she confirmed that they are still a boy and a girl. So, at 25 weeks, I feel confident that we won't have a gender surprise now. Their nursery furniture and bedding arrived this week and I also purchased their stroller. Aaron has as lot of work to do in putting all of it together. I will be working on washing their bedding and clothes and getting that in their dressers and closet. So much to do and I can't believe how fast time is flying!

In addition to the heartburn, I have never been so tired in my life as I have this past month. My body is really starting to feel the weight and strain of carrying two babies and I'm exhausted. I am enjoying sleeping now while I still can! :)

22 Weeks!

I am 22 weeks today and had my routine OB check-up. My belly measured 28 weeks (Yikes!) and the PA-C assured me that this is normal for twins. Abel and Belle's heartbeats were heard on the doppler, so thankfully, everything appeared to be well. I have been having heartburn a lot lately, which I didn't have at the beginning of this pregnancy...I wonder why I'm having it now?

We have registered at Babies 'R Us and Target...almost everything x2! I have decided not to try and breastfeed. I know that many of you will wonder why I wouldn't attempt this because breast milk is best for babies. I know that. However, I also know that breastfeeding two babies will most likely be difficult and a stressed mommy will not serve them well in other areas. Both Aaron's mom and my mom fed us formula and we turned out fine. I also don't want to invest money in all of the breastfeeding necessities, only to find out that I'm not able to breastfeed (not producing enough milk, babies not latching on, etc) and have wasted that money when it could have been spent on bottles and other formula necessities. I struggled with this decision more from a financial standpoint than I did from a "breast milk is better for babies" standpoint. Breastfeeding is free and formula is expensive. However, after thinking about it and discussing it with Aaron and my mom, Aaron and I feel at peace with this decision.

I am reading your blogs even if I'm not commenting every time - and I'm excited to see what is happening in each of your families! :)

Blue or Pink?!

How about BOTH?!

We found out today that God has given us both a baby BOY and a baby GIRL! They both looked healthy and the nurse-midwife gave them both an A+ for ultrasound stats. What more could we have asked for?!

We are naming them Abel James (formerly known as Baby A) and Belle Marie (formerly known as Baby B). They will be called Abel and Belle. (Please no joking about Belle and "A Bel." We have always liked the name Belle for a little girl for years and Aaron has recently decided that he likes the name Abel for a boy. We realize that it could sound cheesy, but we don't mean it to be rhyming twin names...it just kind of has worked out that way.)

Abel and Belle were kicking and hitting each other and Belle's butt was on Abel's head a lot during during the ultrasound...too cute!

I decided that I didn't want to find out their genders until after we left the OB office, so the tech told Aaron the news and he kept quiet all the way through the ultrasound, meeting with the midwife, and exam. When we got in the car, he said "I just want you to know that we are having a boy and a girl!" I squealed and then my phone rang. It was the OB office saying that I had forgotten my lab orders and that I needed to come back inside. I said "Okay, I'll be right there - I love you!" HAHA I told the receptionist that I loved her because I was so giddy about just finding out the news of carrying a boy and a girl and out of habit, I always tell Aaron that I love him at the end of a phone conversation. I felt ridiculous and explained myself to her when I went back in. She laughed and said that she had been confused, but when I left she shouted back at Aaron and me "I love ya'll!" Pregnancy brain.

Looks like our poll was right with the majority voting for boy/girl twins. :)

Belle's Profile


Abel Yawning

18 Week Update

I found out this week that I don't have Gestational Diabetes! At least for now...I think I will still be retested at the normal 24 week mark. But, I'm thankful for answered prayer that I don't have to deal with that right now anyway.

I wanted to have an 18 week belly picture, but haven't taken one yet...maybe I will get around to it this weekend...maybe. But, I can definitely tell that my body is growing two babies...I look pregnant now. We were at IKEA last weekend and they have a ton of mirrors everywhere and at one point I asked Aaron, "Am I really that big or is it the mirror?" He said "You're really that big!" Haha - But, he loves me getting bigger and reminds me almost everyday of that...such a sweet hubby. :)

Not much else to report - Just waiting for our ultrasound in 2 weeks!

Birthday, Baby Shower, and 16 Weeks

My sister, Grace, and me with our Baskin Robbins Ice Cream Cake!

This past week Aaron and I drove to Memphis, TN with my mom, sister and her boyfriend. My birthday is on February 14th (yes, I'm a Valentine's baby) and my sister's is on February 13th - I turned 26 and she turned 19. We have some relatives on our mom's side who live in Memphis, so we were blessed to be able to spend some time with them. We celebrated our birthdays and Aaron and I had our very first baby shower! We haven't registered yet, because we have been waiting to find out their genders so we could be color specific. But, we were showered with many gender-neutral items such as a baby bath, Diaper Genie Elite, swaddling clothes, bouncy seat, etc. My mom has bought me enough maternity clothes to last for the entire pregnancy and she bought me a twin nursing pillow. I intend to try and breastfeed, but if it doesn't work out that I'm able to, I will still use this pillow to hold them at the same time...it goes all the way around your body to give you back support. We were so grateful for my family's generosity and love for our babies.

I had my 16 week OB appointment today and saw one of the nurse-midwives. My belly measured 18 weeks, but the midwife said that is normal for twins. My blood pressure has been high for the past 3 appointments, so they started me on a prescription for high blood pressure. I'm not convinced that I have high blood pressure though, because I've always had "white coat syndrome" and get nervous at the doctor's office and my blood pressure is often high. At the dentist's office a couple of weeks ago, my blood pressure was normal (the dentist doesn't scare me like regular doctors do-lol). So, I told the midwife that I am probably just nervous and that is causing the high blood pressure. However, high blood pressure does run in my family and they felt it best to go ahead and give me a prescription. My urine sample showed sugar in an abnormal range, so I am having to have my glucose test next Thursday to check for Gestational Diabetes. I wasn't supposed to have this test until 24 weeks, but because of my urine sample, they want it done at 17 weeks. If it comes back that I don't have GD, I will still have the normally scheduled test at 24 weeks. But, if the test does show GD, I will have to go to a diabetic clinic for the remainder of my pregnancy. Praying that I don't have GD! My weight was right on track for a twin pregnancy and their heartbeats were in the 140's, so overall, I think all is continuing to go well. If I continue to have high blood pressure and am confirmed to have GD, I won't be the only pregnant girl who has ever had those issues, so I'm not too concerned.

We scheduled our BIG 20 week ultrasound for Thursday, March 17th at 2:15pm (St. Patrick's Day) - I will be so glad to finally know if I'm carrying boy/girl, boy/boy, or girl/girl twins. I have a hunch that I'm not carrying girl/girl, but hunches don't really mean too much. I will be putting a poll on the blog soon, so be sure to vote for your prediction! :)

The Remaining 8 Embryos...

You may remember reading a post back in October that said we had chosen to adopt a profile with 12 embryos. We chose this profile because each profile has certain fees associated with it (ie. shipping, storage, genetic parents' STD testing, etc. ). We knew that it would be extremely likely that we would only have to thaw embryos from one profile of 12 and thus avoid paying fees associated with more than one profile (turns out, God was super kind and this profile had no fees at all!). Knowing that we only had one more embryo transfer attempt with the NEDC, we knew that if I didn't get pregnant this 3rd time, then the remaining embryos would automatically be released to another adopting couple. However, if you do become pregnant and have a live birth, your 3 attempts start over again, so the NEDC will reserve any genetic siblings for you to transfer in the future. In early December, after finding out the exciting news that we were pregnant with twins, we discussed what God may lead us to do regarding the remaining 8 embryos that were not thawed for our November transfer. I know many people struggle with this because they feel a bond with the genetic siblings and feel called to adopt all of them. However, for us this just wasn't the case. We emailed the NEDC in December saying that we would like to release the remaining embryos back into the pool for another couple to adopt. Our reasons were as follows:

1) We didn't want their lives to be on hold any longer than necessary. Every day that we reserved them for our unknown future was another day they would be left frozen. We felt it served them best to allow them to have a chance at birth asap.

2) Realistically, we don't know when we could return for them. Our adoption funds are depleted now and I would probably need to go back to work to fund another adoption and the plan for now is for me to stay at home with the twins.

3) It is quite possible that after twins, our family may be complete...maybe not. We are leaving that in God's hands. But, if we feel that our family is not complete, we will then seek the Lord in what direction to build our family (another kind of adoption or if we pursued embryo adoption again, we would just choose new embryos that aren't genetically related to the twins). For our first two adoptions, we used all of the embryos in each profile. For this 3rd adoption, I knew we would probably have embryos remaining so I specifically prayed for multiples so that the decision to not keep them would be easier for us. God answers prayer!

A part of us is sad that our children will potentially have lots of birthed genetic siblings that they will never know, but the twins will be part of our family and that will be what is most important.

I want to say that these are not black and white reasons for every family to release their remaining embryos! These are simply the reasons that we felt God leading us to do such. Also, I know for Snowflake adoptions, this is more difficult because you always have an open adoption and the genetic parents are often not comfortable with releasing their embryos to multiple families. However, with a closed adoption at the NEDC, it is just that easy. We simply release them and they could be adopted for the next transfer cycle. I also know that for the NEDC couples who have open adoptions that this is still not the right choice for them or their genetic/donor families either (for the same reason I gave for open adoptions with Snowflakes). It is often not the right decision for a closed adoption either for various other reasons. No matter what God leads each embryo adopting family to do with any remaining embryos, we rejoice that these frozen lives are getting a chance at birth when they would often have been discarded or left frozen indefinitely.

12 Week Update

I had my first OB appointment last week at 11 weeks, but all the doctor did was an exam and take a lab test. Today, I had my 2nd OB appointment at 12 weeks and an ultrasound! Both babies appeared to be doing well and were moving around (Baby A was quite the wiggle worm...so much so that the tech had a difficult time getting his/her heart rate). Baby A gave us a nice side profile, but Baby B gave us a direct facing (the alien look-lol). Also, I've included my first belly pic at 12 weeks...still don't look very pregnant, but a little bigger. I'm definitely feeling my pants tighten, so I've begun using the rubber band trick, but I'm not big enough for maternity clothes yet. The NEDC nurse called on Tuesday and told me that I could stop all meds and shots, because their placentas had now taken over and were producing the proper hormones - Yay for no more shots 2x a day! I'm now officially out of the NEDC's care and solely in the care of my OB office. My next OB appointment isn't until February 17th and my next ultrasound won't be until I'm 20 weeks (the longest I've been without an ultrasound) where we will also hopefully find out their genders. My OB told me today to enjoy my month off until February 17th because that would be the longest they would go without seeing me being pregnant with twins. Once I hit 20 weeks, he says I will be coming in a lot more frequently than a singleton pregnancy.

Is "Mommy/Daddy-to-be" a Pro-Life Phrase?

This is Aaron again sneaking a post in...

To transform the disregarded into the treasured. That's what I love about how embryo adoption demonstrates the Gospel. For most of their lives, our children have been disregarded by most of the world, including our government. We couldn't even file for adoption tax credits this year because our children weren't recognized as being alive when we adopted them. They were merely seen as cells, as property to be transferred, as spare parts, and as research potential.

In contrast to this chilling view of life, I can't wait to tell our precious children (our eight in Heaven and our two on earth) how much I love them and have loved them since I first knew them on the microscopic level. As passionately as I feel about this, embryo adoption has humbled me into repentance regarding how I used to talk about life before birth.

I'm as pro-life as they come and never thought that I could be sending mixed messages about life to a world that doesn't believe the Bible. However listen to some of the things that I used to say to people who were expecting the birth of children:

1) "You're going to have a baby!"
Translation to the world: "You don't have a baby inside you yet."

2) "You're going to make such a good parent."
Translation to the world: "Your baby in the womb doesn't make you a parent already."

3) "Here comes the Mommy-to-be/Daddy-to-be."
Translation to the world: "She's carrying a baby-to-be."

4) "When the baby gets here..."
Translation: "A baby isn't here yet."

5) "You're going to be a grandfather, going to be a big sister, going to be an aunt..".
Translation: Because "going to" is in the future, you're not these things now.

The message of these cliches never weighed on me until we first adopted our children as embryos. Since then, I seem to hear statements like these every day and it makes me cringe every time to know that my language used to effectively "skip over" life before birth.

I've repented for this and am trying hard to rephrase my speech to honor life before birth. Will you join me in communicating the presence of life in this way? As Christians, we need to make sure that the words out of our mouth match those on our bumper stickers and slogans. Here are some ways that I think we can start doing this:

1) Avoid these types of sayings that I've listed above and graciously correct people when they use them. Just as we are careful to gracefully correct racist speech in our families, churches and workplaces, let's do so for non-life-affirming speech.

2) Recognize adopting families (embryo and traditional) as parents before their children arrive in the home or out of the womb. I know from experience how much adopting families care for their children before they ever see them. Let's be vocal in honoring the hard and expensive responsibility of adopting children by recognizing parents as such, even if their kids haven't slept it to their new beds yet.

3) On Mother's and Father's Day, let's recognize all children, including those who have been sent to Heaven through miscarriage or some other death before birth. Mother's Day can be a hard day for the woman who has lost her children. Remembering them as real children (and treating the Mother as a real Mother), doesn't pour salt on the wound. It actually honors the parents and the children.

4) This requires special grace and wisdom, but on Mother's and Father's Day, honor the lives of children who have been lost through abortion. Don't honor the sin of abortion, but use the uniqueness of the day to bring awareness to the fact that after conception, no one can choose not to be a mother or a father. Let non-Christians know of God's forgiveness and the hope of seeing their children in Heaven. Let them know that God uses sin sinlessly and that their children have a marvelous future that they can still be part of. Let Christians who have aborted children in the past be reminded of God's grace and forgiveness and that their children await them with smiles in Heaven.

5) Lastly, let's teach our children on earth about the value of life by always referring to lost children as brothers or sisters who are in Heaven. What a testimony it would be to a teacher to hear a five-year old respond to the question, "Do you have any brothers or sisters?" with "I have a baby sister and another one in Heaven."

I say all this humbly, realizing how I've minimized life in my own speech so often. I'm thankful to my own children in Heaven and my two on earth for teaching me to know better from now on. I love you guys and you are quite precious!

-Aaron

2010 in Review

2010 may very well have been the most eventful year of our marriage (or our lives) thus far! Here is what God did over the past year in the Wilson home...

1) Got a call on January 14th from the NEDC to schedule our mock transfer for March 29th.

2) Started taking meds and had the mock transfer in March.

4) In June, we looked through embryo profiles and chose the ones we wanted to adopt.

3) Found out that Aaron was being transferred to Gastonia, NC on July 19th.

4) Had our 1st embryo transfer on July 20th. Received a negative beta on July 29th.

5) In August, Aaron took on his new store in Gastonia and we looked through more embryo profiles and chose new embryos to adopt. He stayed in an extended stay while looking for housing and I stayed in Columbia with his family.

6) Bought our first house in September.

7) Had our 2nd embryo transfer on September 19th. Got 2 positive HPTs at 10 and 11 days past transfer. Very weak beta on 12 days past transfer. Entirely negative 2nd beta.

8) In October, we chose more embryos to adopt.

9) Had our entire house painted in November.

10) Had our 3rd and final embryo transfer on November 16th. Took my first HPT after my beta was drawn on November 29th. HPT was positive and the beta result was 1123! 2nd beta on December 1st was over 3000!

11) Had our 1st ultrasound at 6w0d on December 9th - saw TWO fetal poles and yolk sacs, but no heartbeats yet.

12) Had our 2nd ultrasound at 6w5d on December 14th and saw TWO heartbeats!

13) Had our 3rd ultrasound at 9w0d on December 30th and saw TWO growing babies with beautiful heartbeats!

Aaron and I have experienced more grief and joy combined this year than I can even begin to explain. Through the loss of our 8 children, we learned to trust His goodness and sovereignty while we just didn't understand... And like I previously posted here, this song rings more true now than ever...truly "behind a frowning providence, He hides a smiling face!" And I know that we are by no means "out of the woods" yet with this pregnancy, but we're praying and hoping that 2011 will bring the birth of TWO healthy babies!

9-Week Ultrasound

Above is the picture of our babies at 9 weeks 0 days (sorry that it is kind of blurry). By God's grace, both babies looked great and had heartbeats of 158 bpm & 174 bpm! I had always thought that ultrasounds would be exciting (and they are), but they also evoke a lot of fear each time. This pregnancy is such a struggle in learning to trust God. The NEDC is closed this week, so they won't call me with their take on it until next week - But, the local nurse said all looked wonderful and not to worry. They are starting to look more like babies now - In fact, Baby A on the left was kind enough to face us and give us a good look at his/her spinal cord and arm/leg buds. Both babies were moving around which was so cool to see!

Some of you have been asking how I've been feeling and what symptoms I have had... Overall, I feel normal! The strongest symptom was an increased hunger that began during the 2ww which has continued, though now I think my body is adjusting to the hCG and the increased hunger is beginning to taper off. I've had some slight nausea in the mornings and nights, but no vomiting and some days I'm exhausted. Also, I've had cramping since the 2ww and I always worry when that happens, but I've been told by the doctor and nurses that it can be normal for some women. I also think I've been so nervous about this pregnancy that sometimes it can cause my stomach to hurt...who knows? In general though, I don't "feel" pregnant most days and begin to wonder if I still am, but the nurse assured me at my ultrasound this morning that I am very pregnant. Thank You, Lord!

Still Our Hope

This song "Jesus Came to Earth" is from the Sovereign Grace Music's Children album "Awesome God." I appreciate Sovereign Grace for teaching children (and adults) biblical doctrine throughout their music, rather than moralistic fluff.

Anyhow, I have to keep reminding myself that the Gospel is still our hope and not this pregnancy. I'm only 8 weeks today and I still struggle with fear this early into the pregnancy. But, then I repent of fear (over and over again), preach the Gospel to myself, and remind myself that if God should take one or both of them home to Heaven, then by His grace, our life will go on to His glory...simply because of the message of this song. All the while, I am also thanking Him constantly for making it to 8 weeks and praying to make it all the way to a healthy delivery! :)

Merry Christmas and please do celebrate the awesome truth that "Jesus Came to Earth!"

5 Year Anniversary!!!

By God's grace, today, Aaron and I celebrate 5 years as husband and wife! We would had never guessed on December 17, 2005, that exactly 5 years later, I would be pregnant with our adopted twins (we didn't even know what embryo adoption was until 2006). God knew though - how cool. :)

We plan to celebrate tonight at Cracker Barrel - not the most romantic place, but I really want some chicken and dumplings!...this is assuming that I can find the strength to get dressed tonight, because I tend to get very fatigued these days between 6-8pm. lol