Easter 2014

Since we will be with family this Sunday and this past Tuesday was a rainy/indoor kind of day, we decided to go ahead and give the kids their Easter baskets. We don't do the "Easter Bunny", as in Abel & Belle know their Christmas gifts and Easter baskets are from us (although, we do sit with Santa and EB at mall just as we would Disney characters as DisneyWorld). Sorry that I have neglected this blog for so long...I just find it hard to have time to sit down and write. I really wish I did though because the kids are talking like crazy now and saying hilarious things - NEVER A DULL MOMENT!!!

Happy Easter, friends! So thankful that Christ crucified absorbed the wrath of God on our behalf...and rose again to confirm the validity of His work on the cross!

Book Release!

We're excited to announce that Aaron's book, God is NOT a God of Second Chances...and other good news from the Gospel!, has officially released!  100% of the royalties from this book are being given to church planting efforts in the Charlotte, NC area.

If you haven't yet seen the promotional video, please visit the book's website here.  Or, you can purchase it right now by clicking HERE.  The book will also be for sale at all LifeWay Christian Stores across the country.

(You can also purchase the book from Amazon, Barnes and Noble, or as an electronic version at CBD.  However, the church plant will get much less of a royalty percentage if purchased through these avenues.)

We'd love for you to pick up a copy of the book and share one of these links via social media!  Thank you for your support of this project and the church it is helping to support!

Great Truth from Hubby

Do you know what the most frequently used word is in a Christian’s vocabulary?  It’s not what you’d first guess, a word like faith, hope or love.  In fact, even though it’s a word you’ll likely recite over 74,000 times in your life, there’s a good chance you’re not sure what it means. Ready for it?  The word we’re all saying, and are all confused by, is...

Continue reading here:
http://theexoduschurch.org/the-most-said-word-in-the-church/

Why our God Isn't a God of Second Chances...and that is Good News!

Here is a post that Aaron recently wrote for our local church's blog. There is lots of truth in his post and a lot of reason to celebrate that God isn't a God of second chances!

A Prayer for My Children

My daughter bit me yesterday. She had climbed onto the kitchen chair and as I was moving her, she screamed and bit my shoulder out of anger towards not getting her way.

This episode reminded me once again how desperately my 16 month old babies need Jesus to save them one day. Sin is rooted so deep in all of us as a result of Adam's sin and it even shows its ugly face in the lives of babes. Each day that I get up, I am aware that I am entering a battlefield - a war in the spiritual realm over the souls of my children. If I neglect to teach and discipline out of laziness or apathy, my children will bear the consequences of my decisions.

"God, 

Give me both the grace and wisdom to discipline and teach my children well. May I never discipline out of anger or frustration, but only out of love and obedience to Your Word. Protect the souls of my little ones from the enemy. May I be a faithful steward in shepherding their little hearts. And please, please save both Abel and Belle as soon as your sovereign will allows. 
In Jesus' name, Amen."

Baby Dedication, Christmas, and Hello 2012!

Abel and Belle were dedicated to the Lord on November 27th. My mother-in-law has some pictures on her camera, so I was waiting for those from her before I updated the blog. However, she has had some computer trouble, so who knows when I will get the pictures. More important, though, is the fact that we are aware of what a great responsibility God has given us in shepherding these little children to know Him. We pray that He would convict their hearts of sin and save them at an early age and that they might live for His glory early in life... and be spared the heartache that living in rebellion against God can bring. Please join us in praying that they would be saved as soon as God wills.

We flew to Memphis, TN for Christmas with the babies. They did great and had lots of love and attention from our extended family. They also got lots of toys - Yeah! :) Aaron and I long decided we didn't want to teach any of our future children about Santa Claus being a reality. They will still get gifts from us (though we didn't this year, because they are so young and got plenty from family), but will know that they are from daddy and mommy. They will still take pictures with Santa in the mall and watch the Christmas classics on t.v. We plan to teach them about Santa as a fun, fictional character (such as Mickey Mouse). Our heart in this isn't to be legalistic, but we want Jesus and His incarnation to be their focus and not fantasy.

Lastly, as a New Year's resolution, I have started Weight Watchers and exercising. My goal is to be back to my pre-pregnancy size and weight by the summer. Pray for grace.

As I reflect on this new year, I'm amazed and grateful for God's grace in 2011. 2011 will forever be a special year because it was the year that Abel and Belle were born. But, I'm excited to welcome 2012.

And for fun, I put them in their highchairs for the first time this morning!

A Christmas Post Worth Rereading

Last year, Aaron wrote and posted "Christmas Thoughts About Embryo Adoption." I know we have some new blog followers this year, so I wanted to share it again with you guys. We often think of Jesus coming to earth as a baby (which He most definitely did), but before that, He came to earth as a human embryo! Please take a minute to read this wonderful post by my wonderful hubby!

Our Hope

If you read the GirlTalk blog, you saw this video months ago. But, I know many of my blog followers are not GirlTalk readers, so I wanted to share it with you too! This animation is why you will never hear Aaron or me say that we "deserve" a baby, because the reality is that we were once God's enemies (Romans 5:10) and don't even deserve to be a servant in His house. We deserve Hell. And yet, God has made us more than His servants - through Jesus, He has made us His precious, beloved, & adopted children in His house! And this is why, no matter what happens with this 3rd embryo transfer, I know that we will be okay. Because the Gospel is our hope - and not embryo adoption or any other means to holding children in our arms. We're just so thankful to know with absolute certainty that God is always holding us in His arms as we walk through this life and into the life to come.

That I Have Erred...

When reading a prayer entitled "Desires" in The Valley of Vision (page 106), these lines captured my eyes and heart...

"...that I have erred both on the side of my hopes and also of my fears, that I am unfit to choose for myself, for it is not in me to direct my steps..."

AMEN!

"God Moves"

Back in 2005, I purchased the "Worship God Live" CD from Sovereign Grace Music. "God Moves" was one of the two songs that I least listened to on the CD. I listened to the other songs numerous times as they drew my heart closer to the Savior, but at the time, I wasn't intensely suffering (life is always throwing curve balls, but I wasn't in the valley, like I am today). Five years later, I am listening to this song over and over again. Each word describes my heart so perfectly. I especially love the line that says "Behind a frowning providence, He (God) hides a smiling face." The song has been updated by Sovereign Grace from an old hymn written by William Cowper.

I'm not returning to my "normal" blogging anytime soon, but will post some of what God is teaching and doing in my life right now as I feel led to post. I can most definitely say, that in spite of the pain, He is doing a great work in my heart and I'm slowly gaining renewed hope...not so much about our 3rd transfer, but just about filling our home with children in some amazing way that He already has planned. I'm not clinging to this 3rd transfer resulting in a pregnancy and birth. Yes, I believe God can do that. But of course, He will have His perfect way no matter the outcome. I'm not dwelling on it. In fact, whenever I think about the upcoming transfer, I'm intentional about refocusing my thoughts on Jesus and not the transfer. The reason for this is because, HE alone is my HOPE - not embryo adoption.

Please Bear With Me For Awhile...

I hate and love when the Holy Spirit convicts my heart of sin. I hate it because I'm reminded once again how wicked my heart truly is and how wretched I am apart from Christ. I love it because I'm forced to run to the Cross of Christ and am pushed deeper into the glories of Calvary - where I realize how amazing His grace truly is for a sinner such as myself!

All this to say that He has convicted me of sin lately. The first sin is idolatry. While we believe God called us to EA, I have made the hope of holding children in my arms an idol. I have felt "hopeless" a lot recently, which revealed to me that I have an idol. Since JESUS is my HOPE, I should never feel hopeless. When I do feel hopeless, I have replaced God with a "god" of my own desires. The second sin is jealousy. When God hasn't given me my desires yet, but I see others becoming pregnant and birthing babies thru EA, I'm jealous. A year ago, I was encouraged and excited when EA mommies were posting pregnancy updates, because I would think "This works and will hopefully be me soon!" However, after 1 negative beta and 1 very early miscarriage, I am no longer as excited, but rather jealous. I want to want what God in His kindness and sovereignty has chosen not to give me at this point. Both idolatry and envy are sins that nailed my Savior to the cross - I cannot take these sins lightly. By His grace, I must repent and do everything I can to flee temptation.

Thus, I am thinking that I may be a little more quiet with the blogging world for awhile. I may or may not post many details about our 3rd embryo transfer. I want to focus on Jesus and His will for Aaron and me. His plan will unfold beautifully in His time. Also, I may not read or comment on other blogs as much right now. Please know that I love and am continuing to pray for you guys. However, my greatest priority is Jesus and if I find that my heart is tempted to dishonor Him thru jealousy some days more than others, I may choose not to read your posts. But, on days when I more feel His grace empowering me to fight sin, I will choose to read and comment. Please bear with me for awhile. :)

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us." - Hebrews 12:1 (NIV)

Balancing Our Emotions with God's Truth

Lord willing, one month from today will be our 2nd embryo transfer. I'm excited and scared. I think the excitement comes and goes. The fear seems to stay. Two weeks ago, I was excited. This week has been very hard. I want this 2nd transfer to result in a continued pregnancy and live birth, but I know all too well that there are no guarantees even with healthy embryos. My heart feels like a mess right now. I am trying to find the balance of trusting God and hoping for a pregnancy and live birth, while also guarding my heart should God not have that in His perfect plan for us.

I know that we do not deserve a baby - all we deserve is an eternity in Hell due to our sinful rebellion against a holy God. Through the death and resurrection of Jesus, God has already saved us from that horrific state, so we are always doing better than we deserve. If God should allow us to have a birthed baby (or babies), it won't be because we deserve it...it will only be because He is blessing us with what we don't deserve. During our struggle with infertility and embryo adoption, through tears, I'm having to preach the Gospel to myself over and over and over...which isn't a bad thing...I should be doing that anyway. :)

But please, Lord, allow us to have one or more babies born as a result of our transfer next month...we want so much to raise and teach them Your Gospel!!!

Gratitude & Joy

We visited my family in the Atlanta area for Easter weekend, and I marveled at God's kindness to us. The last time we were visiting them was Christmas - about 1-2 weeks after the NEDC confirmed they had our completed home study from Bethany, but told us not to expect our mock transfer until May or June because they were booked thru March and we were #25 on the waiting list for an appointment after March. I'll admit that I was saddened by that news, but still trusted in God's sovereignty. I remember aching at the thought that we may not have our real transfer until the fall. But, God knew that in January, the NEDC would call to schedule our mock transfer for March 29th and that by the time Easter came, I would already know when we'd be going back to get our babies - the summer, not the fall!

Thank You, Lord. We are so humbled and grateful that You have called us to adopt these unborn, but alive, children. More importantly, Thank You for drinking that bitter cup on the cross, so that we could be adopted into Your family. Pursuing You and our children is pure joy!

She Must and Shall Go Free

I've been meditating on the doctrine of justification lately and continue to be amazed again and again that God declares Christians "not guilty." Our ransom has been paid through the blood of Christ - We're free to go.

May I suggest that you listen to a song by Derek Webb, "She Must and Shall Go Free." While Aaron and I are not sure about all of Derek Webb's albums (some of his songs sound a little emergent); this album/song gets the Gospel right on!

Aaron and I were discussing justification yesterday morning and we're so thankful that Jesus isn't having to decide if his blood can free us from any particular sin. His Cross says it all - She (the Church) must and shall go free!" To do otherwise would be to go against Himself. The verdict has been decided and is never up for debate - For those of us who are Christians, we must and shall go free. (See Romans 8:33-34)