I have always struggled with the sin of worry. I have been a Christian now for 12 years and wonder when this area of my heart will be sanctified?! Maybe not here on this earth at all, because the sanctification of a believer is a lifelong process and sin will never be completely gone from our hearts until Heaven. But, by the grace of God, I hope to grow in this area. God has continually proven Himself faithful in my life, but whenever a new concern arises, I doubt Him all over again.
This adoption is one of the biggest circumstances in my life where I've had many worries and He has guided and provided for each step of the way. For every step that we've taken, I've worried. Will we have enough money? Will our home study be difficult and awkward? Will the social worker not find us "parent material?" Will the NEDC ever call to schedule my mock transfer? And yesterday arose the most ridiculous worry of all...Will my cycle start on time this month so I can begin my Estrace? I was only about a day or two late, but my mind had already began doubting God (to the point of tears!...should've known she was on her way!) and thinking that this one month, my body would do something crazy and I wouldn't be able to start my Estrace in time and would have to cancel my mock transfer. And my worry proved to be absolutely nothing at all!
My biggest worry though, is What if none of our babies are born on this earth for us to raise as their parents? I know that they will be in Heaven, which is far better than being frozen on earth. But, I (we) really, really want at least one of these sweet lives to stick around here with us - on the first transfer! I'm a little nervous even typing that, because I know there are no guarantees...this adoption is such a test of faith. Please pray though, that if it be the Lord's will, there will be a live birth as the result of our first transfer.
"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." - Matthew 6:44
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." - Proverbs 3:4-6
5 days ago