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Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Wanting Grace to Trust Him More...

I have always struggled with the sin of worry. I have been a Christian now for 12 years and wonder when this area of my heart will be sanctified?! Maybe not here on this earth at all, because the sanctification of a believer is a lifelong process and sin will never be completely gone from our hearts until Heaven. But, by the grace of God, I hope to grow in this area. God has continually proven Himself faithful in my life, but whenever a new concern arises, I doubt Him all over again.

This adoption is one of the biggest circumstances in my life where I've had many worries and He has guided and provided for each step of the way. For every step that we've taken, I've worried. Will we have enough money? Will our home study be difficult and awkward? Will the social worker not find us "parent material?" Will the NEDC ever call to schedule my mock transfer? And yesterday arose the most ridiculous worry of all...Will my cycle start on time this month so I can begin my Estrace? I was only about a day or two late, but my mind had already began doubting God (to the point of tears!...should've known she was on her way!) and thinking that this one month, my body would do something crazy and I wouldn't be able to start my Estrace in time and would have to cancel my mock transfer. And my worry proved to be absolutely nothing at all!

My biggest worry though, is What if none of our babies are born on this earth for us to raise as their parents? I know that they will be in Heaven, which is far better than being frozen on earth. But, I (we) really, really want at least one of these sweet lives to stick around here with us - on the first transfer! I'm a little nervous even typing that, because I know there are no guarantees...this adoption is such a test of faith. Please pray though, that if it be the Lord's will, there will be a live birth as the result of our first transfer.

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." - Matthew 6:44

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." - Proverbs 3:4-6

6 comments:

Ashley said...

I'm right there with ya! I'll pray for you if you pray for me! =) God is doing awesome things in our lives. May we each trust His plan.

Leigh said...

Praying for you!

Jen said...

Thanks for this post- as you know from my blog. I'm worrying as well!!! I am going to put your Bible quotes to use in my situation as well!!!

Hugs!!!

Angela said...

This IS one of the biggest times in your life that you will need to trust Him. I'll be praying for you. Are you taking estrace to get ready for the transfer now? Have they given you a date yet? Just curious what the plan is, if you know. Sorry if I missed something! You can email me if you'd like at bkmomang@aol.com. We will be hopefully doing our transfer pretty close to you....soon, I pray for both of us!

heathermohr said...

Oh wow, how I needed to read this post! I am constantly worrying. I've always been a worrier, but I've gotten a lot worse since losing our daugther. Trusting God can be so challenging!

Anyway, don't let the sonohysterogram be a worry for you. :) It really wasn't bad at all. I would recommend taking the ibuprofen beforehand because I felt a lot of pressure, which I am guessing would've been pain had I not taken the meds. But really, it wasn't bad at all, and I didn't need to take any more ibuprofen when I got home. I was a little crampy, but not bad at all. And today, les than 24 hours later, I feel completely fine.

Rachel and Clint said...

Hi Jennifer and Aaron,

I just want to say so glad you all found our blog too and we're so happy and excited for you with your mock transfer coming up!

Is there anything you need/want to know? I'd love to email or share with you anything you might have questions about.

You'll have to let us know how the new NEDC clinic is. I know they were busy getting ready to move just after our last transfer in November.

Dr. Keenan is wonderful. So is Jennifer his nurse. Mary was also helpful. Do you know when you'll get your match? Or have you already? We did our mock June 1st, matched August 1st or 2nd (received profile in mail) and first transfer was September 15th.

My email is rachelwood4@gmail.com. I'm also on facebook.

Thanks and looking forward to following your journey!