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Thursday, August 19, 2010

Balancing Our Emotions with God's Truth

Lord willing, one month from today will be our 2nd embryo transfer. I'm excited and scared. I think the excitement comes and goes. The fear seems to stay. Two weeks ago, I was excited. This week has been very hard. I want this 2nd transfer to result in a continued pregnancy and live birth, but I know all too well that there are no guarantees even with healthy embryos. My heart feels like a mess right now. I am trying to find the balance of trusting God and hoping for a pregnancy and live birth, while also guarding my heart should God not have that in His perfect plan for us.

I know that we do not deserve a baby - all we deserve is an eternity in Hell due to our sinful rebellion against a holy God. Through the death and resurrection of Jesus, God has already saved us from that horrific state, so we are always doing better than we deserve. If God should allow us to have a birthed baby (or babies), it won't be because we deserve will only be because He is blessing us with what we don't deserve. During our struggle with infertility and embryo adoption, through tears, I'm having to preach the Gospel to myself over and over and over...which isn't a bad thing...I should be doing that anyway. :)

But please, Lord, allow us to have one or more babies born as a result of our transfer next month...we want so much to raise and teach them Your Gospel!!!


Britney said...

My heart aches and longs with you. I feel these EXACT same emotions. As a dear friend recently told me, these feelings come as a result of knowing that we could do everything right or wrong and it will still turn out the same. God's will WILL prevail. There really is nothing more we can do. He is in charge. He is in control. He is almighty. He is sovereign.
Yes, He knows we want this. Yes, we believe He has placed us on this path. But for what purpose? We don't know, and may never know this side of heaven.
You just have to trust that He has goodness in store for us. When we cry, He cries. He waits and longs right alongside of us.
All that said, I believe we should pray with great faith and expectation that God will respond. Sometimes, it's with a "no." Sometimes, it's with a "wait." Sometimes, it's with silence, and sometimes He doesn't respond right away. And sometimes, it's with a "yes!" And even more, sometimes it's with a "yes, and here's more!"

I'm being so bold, with great faith and expectation, as to ask that there is a 100% success rate in September! I know our God is big enough. Pray along with me! ; )

Ashley said...

I'm right there with ya! It is scary but I love Britney's idea of praying boldly!

Nikki said...

This is in comment to my post :) I totally understand! You have been on my mind, friend :) I totally agree! It's great to be a Christian in the midst of suffering!

twondra said...

I really hope your second transfer results in a baby here with you on Earth. Thinking of you! (((HUGS)))

Tracey said...

I absolutely love your perspective and couldn't agree more. It definitely helps to have that perspective when going through trials. I have to preach the gospel to myself all the time too!! Praying that you get pregnant this go around. I am having my transfer at the NEDC on the 15th. Hugs!

Room for More said...

I am praying for you!!