We have chosen our new embryos to adopt next month. We only have 1 profile this time, no back-ups because this profile has 12 blastocysts! In fact, I later found out from the patient coordinator that this donor had even more embryos so they split them into two separate profiles. Someone out there already has the other half...I wonder if they're pregnant right now???
Am I feeling any better? Yes and no. God's grace is indeed sufficient, but we are still hurting. Even though we are still grieving, we have chosen to jump right back into the November cycle for several reasons:
1) Even though our insurance doesn't pay for the actual embryo transfer, it does cover a portion of my ultrasounds and lab work. Since I have already met my deductible for 2010, it seems foolish to pay more in 2011.
2) Even if we wait until a later transfer cycle, I know we will still feel the same...it's hard not to to be guarded and scared after having 2 embryo transfers result with shattered hope.
3) After pursuing embryo adoption for the past year and a half, we want to close out our NEDC journey in 2010. We don't want to drag it into 2011 (happy or sad news). If our final transfer doesn't result in a continued pregnancy, then we want to start the new year with a different chapter.
4) God called us to embryo adoption and He never said it would be easy. Rather, it is necessary to save frozen lives. For example, God calls a missionary overseas and he really doesn't want to leave home. He is scared and overwhelmed at the task set before him. Yet, he knows God has called him to go, so he is obedient. That's where Aaron and I are right now. We don't know what God will choose to do this 3rd time around, but even when we don't completely want to try again, we are choosing to obey. We have 100% belief that God can continue these babies' lives, but we don't presume to know His will for them or for us.
Here and Back
5 years ago
9 comments:
Your strength in this time is breath taking and clearly from the Lord. Praying for you, I'm sure it is tough to go through all of it again!
I think all your reasons for moving forward are wonderful: some pragmatic, some financial and some moral and spiritual....All the RIGHT reasons.... It is hard to move ahead when there is fear of failure, but your faith is deep and will carry you through. I will be praying along with you this cycle and hope the God's plan involves a very succesful pregnancy and healthy baby at the end.
kd
I'm praying for you!
~Marci J
I'll be praying for you both as you continue this journey and hoping that God is planning for you to bring a baby or two home this time.
Wow- 12 embryos!! Congrats! Praying for you guys!
Wow, 12 is great! We had started out with 12, but only 3 were blasts. I really hope that it'll mean more than one healthy full term pregnancy for you!
Your post reminds me of Jonah and Ninevah. I admire your obedience, strength, and resilience. God will honor that.
Definitely praying for you. I think going ahead is a good decision. (((HUGS)))
Sweetie, I haven't been blogging or on blogs much lately, but you are so often in my thoughts and prayers. I know what it's like to jump right back into another cycle, and it was the right thing for us to do as well. Praying God's peace and comfort over both of you as you start again. Hugs, and much, much love!
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